I was always told that babies poop a lot, but never the details.

For the first 3 months we averaged anywhere from 3-7 poops a day. It wasn’t how many times that concerned me, it was the texture and array of colors. Now that is something I was not warned about.

My son must have been 2 months old and he had a blowout. We have had these in the past but this one was in the car on the way home. I didn’t think it was that bad, this is until I pick him up from his car seat. I stood there holding my son and asked my husband if we should just throw everything out and start over (of course I was joking). Instead I just turned around and handed Logan off and sang “bath time” with a fat ass grin. However, I was then stuck with the car seat that had shit embedded in every crevice; now that is something I wanted to throw out and just buy a new one, but I didn’t. I pulled up my big girl panties and got to scrubbing. There was no way I was paying that much for another infant seat.

Did you know that you can actually Google what healthy baby poop should look like? It will come up with a literal list of what could be wrong if it’s not a certain color; okay WebMD, thanks for your medical advice but it’s probably anything but that. Google makes you think the worst. If something is concerning you, just contact your pediatrician or go to the hospital for help with your little one.

If you have a baby that is still an infant and is strictly on boobie juice or formula I have a tip for you. Hop on Amazon and get a pack of those Frida Windi gas passers. Trust me, they pass more than gas. Those things saved me when my son was constipated or couldn’t pass gas. Just lube up the one end that goes up the poopshoot with vaseline or Aquaphor and make sure that you have a diaper under their butt. Hold it in there for a little bit and the product literally whistles when the baby is “relieving” themselves.

Here is a tip for that tip: make sure there is nothing of value or an object that is hard to clean within the danger zone of 3-5 feet. Take it from me, sometimes they will explode. That shit can get some distance when you are least expecting it, trust me. After clean fecal matter off from my sons walls, changing table, and dresser, I learned the hard way.

Fun fact: If mom is breast feeding and eats something that makes her stomach upset or gives her heartburn, the baby will most likely get the same reaction. There are specific foods to avoid when breast feeding due to these reactions.

For those parents out there with kids that can eat solids, pumpkin was a game changer for me. There is prune juice but that tastes like dog piss. We will give our son 2-4 ounces of apple juice/water mix and some puréed pumpkin and he will poop within the day. Remember not to over do the “ constipation” foods that they love so much; i.e. bananas, bread, and cheese.

Please keep in mind that I am about as resourceful as WebMD and I’m letting you know what worked for my nugget.